I don’t care

First, YOU wanted me, and I wanted YOU.

YOU told me what you wanted from me, and YOU also told me what I will get in return. Many sweet promises came out from your mouth. So sweet that I can’t afford to even think of saying no.

Anyway, I gave it a good thought. And though not fully and completely satisfied with every single thing, we finally ended up together. I didn’t have many options back then. I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to smile again, after so long time without any.

Yes, I chose to be with YOU. With the hope to make myself better, in a way or another.

Initially, I had fun being with YOU. I had lots of pleasures while serving YOU. I got many things that I wanted from YOU. I can feel that YOU appreciated my presence, near or far.

I also appreciated it when YOU saw the potential in me, and when you gave your trust in me. I have tried my best with my very own strengths and weaknesses, to make YOU happy. YOU even promised to guide me with my journey whenever I needed.

But, as with any relationships, there will be some ups and downs, conflicts, tough times, arguments, misunderstandings, miscommunications, promises not kept, over expectations, things kept untold, small issues not solved, heart and feelings were taken for granted.

When those ugly internal things where YOU can control arose, you didn’t take the advantage to manage and solve them properly. And when the out of control external factors crept in, YOU said it’s beyond your control and nothing much YOU can do. YOU said we have to be patience and try to live with it. YOU said we have to sacrifice first, before we can taste the sweetness of a nectar from a flower.

But in the end, when things were not in your favor, I was the one YOU blamed. YOU did not even take note of the actual situations I had to deal with, even though I have mentioned to you many times before. YOU ignored my difficulties, and yet YOU still dare to say I was the one who did not come to YOU to seek help. YOU only cared about your expectations, but not mine. YOU failed to listen. YOU and your ego, urghh!

If only YOU gave me a second chance and some helping hands, YOU’ll be proud of what I can do for YOU. I’ll be more than happy to improve my weakness.

But, YOU dumped me into the ditch. The ditch that was full with lots of craps. All those craps which were created by YOU. YOU did not even give me a second chance to make things better. YOU just dumped me. Yeah, I know what has been going on your mind. I know your game plan. I’m not a school boy anymore and I can think too.

But, you know what? I didn’t even cry when YOU dumped me. In fact, in my sadness of what had happened – I smiled. I can feel the big sense of relief after YOU dumped me. If I had a little sense of respect towards you, I would have even thanked YOU for dumping me. How ironic.

Being by myself, I changed a lot. I changed in many ways. I have a better control of myself now. I may not be as happy as what I expected before, but I am happy in my own personal ways. It’s good to be in control of my own happiness.

What I used to care about YOU, I don’t care about it anymore. No need to tell me, because I know YOU care less about me too.

I didn’t mind about it at all. As I said, I know your game plan.

But out of a sudden, today morning, YOU called me and said you want me back.

What do you expect for me to answer?
What has happened to your game plan?
Failed?

I know the answer to that question, but I won’t let YOU know.

Do YOU think I still care?

P/s: Today is Monday. And in conjunction with Monday blues, I came up with something blue-ish entry like above to reflect a little bit of glance or a quick summary of what I experience at my current workplace.